


I Think You're Cool

by OofyDoofis



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America Being an Idiot (Hetalia), America calling everyone dude, America saying cool too many times, Comedy, Competition, Crack, Everyone else also being an idiot, Gen, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:32:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OofyDoofis/pseuds/OofyDoofis
Summary: America is at a party with many, many other countries. He gets a sudden feeling that a certain country has surpassed him in coolness, and, feeling challenged, accidentally starts a huge competition between all the countries to find out who's the coolest.





	I Think You're Cool

"Hey, Finland dude!"

America stomped up to Finland, who was hanging out sipping punch. Finland looked up, his blue solo cup not moving away from his face as he gave a 'go ahead' nod.

America was slightly offended that Finland's punch held more importance than him but continued nevertheless. "Excuse me, Findude, but no one's allowed to be the coolest person in the room but me!" America pointed an accusatory finger at his perceived opposition, "So I kindly ask you to leave!"

Finland stared for a minute, disguising his moment of thinking of an answer as finishing his punch sip. He set the cup down on a nearby table and simply replied, "Who said I was the coolest person in the room?"

America, reeled back and gasped.  
_Is he implying that he thinks I think he's cooler than me? Never! Nobody could be as cool as America! I have to keep my cool here. Play it off casually._

"I... felt an unusual air of coolness from this area surpassing my own and I needed to address it," America answered, "So if you would, please stop it! I'm sure it is bothering everyone here."

Finland nonchalantly scanned the room. Everyone was gathered for a party, invited by Italy. Though he had sent invites to every official country out there, only the ones who cared came. That would be, the G8, the nordics (Denmark made them all come), and a few close-by countries like Greece and Turkey. The rest didn't deserve to be there, Finland figured.

"Hey, hey, don't get distracted! You're supposed to admit my superior coolness!"

"I'm sorry about that, America!" Finland turned back to America and replied politely, "I apologize, but if you think I'm cooler than you, then that's your own opinion and I can't change that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have punch to FINN-ish!"

America watched stunned as Finland chuckled and picked up his blue solo cup, taking another sip.  
_Who does this guy even think he is!?_

America just sat in a daze as Finland strode away and joined Iceland at a table for a game of checkers.

 _How dare he!_

America has never been more offended in his life. Surely Finland was acting this ultimately cool on purpose? Deep down, America feared that he was not. The thought tore him apart and made his very existence uncomfortable. He knew what he had to do: prove that he is the very, very best using whatever means possible.

"Move over, Ice Dude! It's time for the Hero™ to swoop in and secure your victory!" America crashed into Iceland, knocking him out of his seat. America took a random checker piece and moved it to a random spot, relying on his good luck for it to be a good move.

"You mean _your_ victory, you little shi-"  
"America, that's not a playable move, we have to stay on the black spots-"  
"It doesn't matter, the hero defeats all using whichever manner he chooses! Hahaha!"

Somewhere, Poland clapped.

Iceland stood up and pushed America out of his rightful chair, "That was so _uncool."_

America stumbled and gasped, his world shaken. It was impossible for America to be uncool! He shook his head in denial. How did this happen? Where did he go wrong?

Finland stood up elegantly and reached out a hand for America. He could see the pain on America's face, and only wanted to help.  
"Listen, America, you don't have to prove anything to anyone! I think you're cool in your own way, and it's not about who’s coolest right now. We're just here to relax and have fun! So-"

"Okay, but Finland is way cooler than you, bro. You got nothing on him."

"Denmark! That is so inappro-" Finland was cut off by soft sniffles from America. He was staring watery-eyed at Denmark, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere just to state his opinion. Nothing could save America's innocent ego now.

"What? It's the truth!" Denmark argued. Finland grabbed him by the ear and dragged him off, preparing for a lengthy talk and maybe also a pat on the head because he was right. Iceland was also gone to god knows where when America looked up. Now he was alone. Alone and... uncool.

A strong hand suddenly patted his shoulder.  
"You got owned, America! Haha! It's the loser table for you!" Turkey picked up America and forcefully put him on his feet, turning him and pointing to a table at which Greece was napping. Turkey grinned like the idiot he was and America was just confused.

"I thought you liked Greece...? I kinda assumed it, you know, because you're always fighting and stuff," America said, unsure how to feel at the moment.

"Nah, I hate his guts! Watch!" Turkey confidently marched over to Greece's table and kicked his chair as hard as physically possible, flipping it over and launching poor Greece to the floor. Greece shot up like a cat and assumed a defensive position, shouting loudly - well, his version of loudly - and looking angry as hell. America watched in silence, questioning everything. He eventually shook his head and turned, contemplating his next move.

America ended up sitting at a table with a left-behind solo cup. He laid his head directly on the table and stared absently at the cup.  
_Why were they called solo cups anyway? Did Han Solo invent them or something?_

America's important thoughts were interrupted by a hand gently grabbing the cup. The hand was soon joined by an England, who sat down opposite America.

"What's wrong, America? I can tell something's up, so confess. Did someone make fun of you again?"

"Shut up, Britain." America hid his head in his arms, refusing to acknowledge that England was right on point.

"It's _England_. And nothing will get better if you don't admit the truth." England's voice was actually really soft and comforting. He even reached out a hand and patted America's head.

America sniffed. "Finland refused to say I'm cooler than him, and then Iceland called me uncool and then Denmark said I'll never be as cool as Finland and then Turkey called me a loser... But I think he was just insulting Greece...? I don't know. Nothing's making sense!"

"Hmm... So you want to prove that you're cooler than Finland, huh..." England thought deeply for a moment, then suddenly brightened up. "You should have a contest! Compete to see who's the coolest!

"Heck yes! A contest!" Prussia slammed his hands down as loud as possible on the table, startling both England and America. "Of course! We shall definitely see who is the coolest with a cool contest that only the coolest of people can win! Good idea!"

Prussia turned suddenly and ran over to Italy, who had just entered the room with snacks to put out. Prussia grabbed Italy's hand and shook it excitedly, "We're having a contest, Italy! One that will tell who is the coolest here, which is me, right? Right?" Italy startledly nodded, not comprehending anything Prussia was shouting. "Yes!!! So make an official announcement and we can get to it!" Prussia happily bounced off, going off to give himself and Gilbird a pep talk.

Italy looked back to Germany, who was carrying more snacks behind him, "Did you get any of that, Germany? I can't understand him sometimes..."

"Ya, he wants to have a contest to see who is the coolest of everyone here... Sorry about him."

"Oh, that doesn't sound bad at all! I like that! I'll go make an announcement!" Italy dumped his snack load onto Germany, who sighed and continued on to the snack table. America, meanwhile, was torn between uneasiness and excitement. He had a definite chance to prove himself now, but he has a lot more competition. But... Oh, yea, a contest! Contests are fun!

America was hyping himself up when he heard loud tapping from the speakers by the stage, which were probably used for karaoke.

"Excuse me, everyone! Thank you for coming! I have an announcement!" Italy smiled, looking excited.

"We will be holding a little contest today! To... uh... see who is the coolest, most impressive person in the room! It will consist of two rounds…! The first one will be, uh, everyone will share... what they think a cool person is like! Yea! And then everyone will vote for who inspired them the most! Then the top 5 people with the most votes will participate in the next round… which... I haven't thought of yet~..."

Germany facepalmed, ashamed of his friend's unpreparedness. The rest of the room sat in silence.

"Uhh... Everyone gather in a circle!" Italy hummed a happy tune as he skipped to the center of the room with the microphone, handing it to the first person he saw and gesturing for them to begin.

"Ah, what I think is cool? Of course, that would be love! Beautiful sparks of pure, hot emotion... Anyone who can freely express their love for another is the essence of coolness!" France spoke passionately, his voice high and eloquent. He closed his eyes for a second, then passed the microphone to the person beside him, Austria. Italy clapped, soon joined by a few others.

Austria took the mic and cleared his throat, an unnecessary action, for he has been clearing his throat continuously for the past hour. He spoke sharply, "Just don't be annoying or get in my way and you will be very cool." He quickly passed the mic to Hungary. Italy clapped. No one joined in.

Hungary took a moment to think. "I think a cool person is one who can stand up for themself. You need to be strong and confident to be a good model for others! Be cool, everyone," she said, probably the epitome of coolness. Many people clapped. Hungary passed the mic to Greece.

Many moments of silence passed while Greece stared down at the mic. After a nudge from Japan, he started. "Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." Greece fumbled with the mic before handing it to Japan, who clapped encouragingly.

"Thank you, Aristotle-san," Japan said with a small smile. He looked forward and continued. "I think someone who is cool is someone who stays by your side no matter what. They encourage you and help you in times of need, even when it is not directly beneficial to them." Japan politely handed the microphone to Norway. A few people clapped.

"Cool people stop complaining and listen to their big brother when they ask them to do something," Norway looked passive-aggressively at Iceland before handing him the mic.

"Well I think cool people acknowledge each other's opinions and privacy and respect them and their wishes," Iceland returned Norway's stare and forced the mic onto Bulgaria. The room was silent.

Bulgaria nervously looked around the room before receiving a thumbs up from Romania and beginning. "Cool people are the ones who can relax and have fun wherever they are... They're the ones who can encourage others and smile no matter how they are feeling..." He passed the mic to Romania while a few others applauded.

Romania smiled. "Cool people believe in others no matter their differences and also know how to tell a good story. Both things are important, believe me." He chuckled and passed the mic to England. Bulgaria clapped.

England took the mic and looked importantly at everyone in the circle. "Only true gentlemen can be called cool. Those who treat others well and act properly are gentlemen and therefore cool," England said pointedly with a glare at France, who took it as a compliment with a wink. England rolled his eyes and passed the mic to Prussia.

"Cool people are awesome people, who are tough, like Hungary! Or hardworking, like my little bro! Or cute, like Italy! Especially like Italy! He's the coolest! But not as cool as me, of course! Kesese!" Prussia smirked and passed the mic to Canada.

Canada started as soon as he got the microphone, "People who listen to others and include others who they aren't entirely familiar with in activities are the nicest people, and people who are nice and friendly are really cool!" Canada gave off an air of importance, which America ignored in favor of grabbing the mic from him.

"Cool people are the ones who fight for others, who never give up in the face of opposition, who stand up for what is right, and who save anyone who is in trouble! Like a hero!" After being met with no immediate applause, he added a bit more seriously, "And who know of unity in the spirit of one's country and people, and will do anything to protect them." Everyone who was actually paying attention understood this feeling and clapped empathetically. The mic was passed to Russia.

Russia giggled, "Cool people are ones who obey the wishes of their friends and family! And who never leave anyone behind~. You all agree, да? You must agree." He was met with silence.

_"Clap."_

The room erupted with applause and Russia giggled with satisfaction. He passed the microphone to Finland.

"Cool people are ones who can tell good jokes! They're enjoyable to be around and are so funny! Also, I like people who can draw! They're very a-muse-ing~" Finland gave a huge smile and handed the microphone to Sweden. Denmark and a few others clapped.

Sweden held on tight to the mic. "Cool p'ple... are... are..." He thought, then turned with his most intimidatingly narrowed expression at the person next to him, "F'nland." He looked back up and quickly looked back down, holding the microphone out for Denmark.

Denmark giggled to himself at something. He looked up finally and began. "Hmm... Well, cool people... Cool people can play a sick guitar!" He made a cheesey air guitar motion and looked over at Finland, who joined in shortly. They both got really into it before running forward, dropping, and sliding on their knees as if it was rehearsed. They high fived and returned to their spots, laughing their heads off. Denmark passed to mic to Turkey.

Turkey gave a straight answer, "Cool people know how to properly answer a question, unlike a certain greasy idiot in the room! Other than that, cool people know how to be entertaining and know which foods are the best!" Turkey turned to dreamily stare at the snack table but was snapped out of it by a firm hand from Germany, who took the mic.

"Cool people listen to orders and follow directions! Anyone who cannot obey is difficult to work with, and is thus not 'cool!'" Germany unintentionally barked his answer as if giving a command. Austria clapped. The microphone was passed to Italy.

Italy excitedly smiled, "Cool people are people who come when you ask for help, or accept when you give them something or invite you somewhere! Which is why I think every single one of you is cool! I love all of you so much for coming to my party! Thank you very much!" Tears formed in Italy's eyes as the room erupted with respectful applause and cheering.

...

  
It ended up going pretty surprisingly smooth.

At Turkey's request, everyone was given a small break for snacks and drinks after they voted. During this break, Italy was going around wishing everybody good luck while Germany wrote the votes down in an organized list, adding in little suggestions for what Italy should say while announcing them.

America, however, was chugging punch, furiously doing mental calculations and attempting to convince himself that he had a chance to win. Everyone had such surprising and varied answers… His was unique enough to stand out… Right?

America froze as Germany tapped the mic and called everyone to the stage.

"Before Italy announces the winners, I would like to point out that there was an unspoken rule that you could not vote for yourself. I figured everyone knew of this, but it would appear not. Greece, please come find me after today's activities. Thank you." Germany left the microphone and notesheet to Italy, who stood tall with a smile as he replaced Germany on stage.

"Okay! Everyone, it's time to see our top 5 competitors who will be continuing on to the final round!" He paused for effect, as dictated by Germany's notes. "In third, fourth, and fifth places, all with 2 votes each, are Hungary, Canada, and... Oh, it's me! Yay, Italy!" Italy looked very genuinely excited for a moment, but quickly suppressed his excitement and continued. "In second and first places, with 3 and 4 votes respectively, are America and Finland! Congratulations, everyone!"

Most of everyone applauded. Those who didn't were either laughing at Greece (Turkey), or confused on why they weren't picked (Russia). The winners got some nice pats on the back from their supportive friends. Italy motioned them all to come up onstage.

"So... I still haven't figured out something to do for the final round. Do you guys have any ideas?" Italy asked, hopeful.

Canada was quick to answer "Maybe we can get in teams and do some skits-"

America suddenly interrupted, "An eating contest, obviously!"

"How does that prove-"

"I like Canada's idea! That sounds nice," Hungary expressed cheerfully. An added 'Mm!' from Finland had Italy convinced.

"Yes! That sounds fun!" Italy turned back to the microphone. "The final round will be group skits! Uhh... Last round's winners will be the leaders, who get to decide what the skit will be and who says what and stuff! Everyone else will be randomly given numbers to see whose team they're on! I'll leave Germany in charge of that. Let's go!"

...

"Okay dudes! I think it would be totally awesome if we did a skit where we all take down some sort of evil villain. That would be you, Russia!"

"I am always the villain though... I think I would be a good hero, too!"

"Nah, man, you're the scariest dude I know! Just be yourself and you'll be fine."

Russia began to look stressed. That would not do, villains are supposed to be confident! America hesitated for a moment, then put a pin in it to smooth out later. For now, he'd have to worry about a third group member, Norway.

“We'll talk about that in a bit," America tried, "Norway! What kind of role would you be good with in a Heroes Versus Villains sorta situation?"

Norway looked up for a second, surprised that America would ask. "I think it would be cool to be a hero who fights by sympathizing with the opponent and using words to win," he said quietly, looking off to the side. He silently cursed himself for sounding stupid, but he couldn't deny that that was what he wanted.

"Ooh, I like that! That's interesting! I can work with that!" Gears were turning in America's head. Gears of creativity. But wait, something's wrong! America glanced over at the fourth and final member of his party, who was avoiding eye contact. Where the heck was he going to fit in?

...

The time came for everyone to showcase their skit-making skills. It was decided that the first ones to perform were to be Hungary and her group.

After France gave a monologue about love and following your heart, he walked off and Germany and Romania started arguing over whether or not Romania was in love. After a minute, his love interest came in. It was a potted plant, voiced by Hungary. Germany eventually came to accept the plant, and the skit ended happily.

When they were done, Italy's group went up. It started out with Turkey acting as a cat, who belonged to Japan. Though when Italy summoned his own cat, everything fell apart. Maybe making Sweden the other cat wasn't the best idea, because Japan was too terrified to continue with the script, and Sweden had to adlib a heartfelt ending where he and Turkey were cat-people from another dimension.

After that was Canada's skit. Canada and Austria were on a walk when Austria was captured and kidnapped by Prussia and brought to his camp. This was because Prussia and his master, Iceland, were demons from the underworld, and they needed to eat. However, before they were able to feast, Canada, dressed as a ninja, sneaked in and rescued Austria. However, the demons found him on his way out, and Canada had to fight them and escape. It was like a weird anime episode.

And then was Finland's group. It was super unfortunate that Denmark was in his group, because the moment he was chosen, Finland decided it was a musical. England was fine with that, but Greece… Long story short: don't let Greece sing. Though if you ignore his part, it was pretty good. The story of it was that Finland and Denmark were cowboys (with terrible, terrible southern American accents) who strolled into town a one day and challenged the famous Arthur to a gun duel. Greece gave them a medal once they won, and the ending was basically a parody of Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story, which made America bawl his eyes out.

But now it was America's turn.

This whole time, America has been silently begging and begging to go last, for his group needed time to get in position. He had to kind of manipulate Canada and Finland into going before him, but it was all worth it.

It started as a normal Heroes VS Villain situation: Russia is attacking the city and America and Norway go to stop him. Curtains dramatically fell from their hooks when Russia passed them. America wants to fight, but Norway stops America to instead try to talk their way out of conflict. He's eventually successful, and Russia realizes that what he was doing was bad and apologizes. However, as soon as they do, a new, more evil villain jumps dramatically from the ceiling and lands before them with a bang, wearing impressive villain makeup (via Norway) and a cape. Russia and America team up to fight the new villain, Bulgaria, who is super, super tough, while Norway assists and heals them. It ends with an unscripted speech from Russia on the importance of being good and not destructive.

America was so proud of his team members; afterwards, he gave everyone high fives and wanted to cry because that performance was so beautiful.

However… there could only be one true winner.

…

“And it looks like it's a three way tie!”

America stumbled.

“I got 3 votes, Hungary got 2 votes, and Canada, Finland, and America all got 5 votes! Wow…?” Italy looked a bit stressed, unsure if he should introduce another round or accept this as is. He looked to Germany, who shrugged dismissively.

“So… I guess that's it! Good job, guys! That was really fun!” Italy said. “Go have some snacks now! I call the pasta!” He quickly abandoned the stage, going off to do his own thing. Most of everyone else followed. America, however, was unable to accept the situation as is.

Finland was at the punch bowl sipping away. He looked up from his cup to see America stomping toward him again. Can't a man and his solo cup have some peace?

“Finland dude! Let's break this tie with some good ol’ fashioned, uh, something! There needs to be a winner!”

“Does there really, though? I think everyone had a lot of fun, so it doesn't really matter, right…?”

_Wait. What was that? What about that specific sentence that Finland said made it so… cool? Was it one word? Was it specifically the fact that it was true? Was it true??? Does it really not matter who wins if everyone has fun?_

_Wait... That's it. That's what's cool about Finland!_

Finland watched as America's facial expressions rapidly changed. America is so weird. He really needs to relax more-

“FINLAND!”

“Whoa there, bud-”

“I've decided! I… I think you’re cool! You're a dude who always smiles, even when things are hard, and you're always so cheerful and encouraging…! I… I can really look up to you, Findude!”

Finland smiled as America muttered something under his breath about Finland being just as cool as him or something. America really is weird.

…

Finland and America started to talk more after that. Not just at the party, but in general. There was a mutual respect between them that allowed for a great friendship. A friendship that would last for centuries… All starting with a spontaneous accusation of coolness from a confused, hopeless individual.

**Author's Note:**

> I did write out a couple of the skits that the countries preformed. You can find them here: http://aminoapps.com/p/nahjfi
> 
> Extra stuff:  
> Who voted for (whose) speeches:
> 
> France (England), Austria (Germany), Hungary (America), Greece (Greece), Japan (Canada), Norway (Finland), Iceland (Denmark), Bulgaria (Romania), Romania (Finland), England (America), Prussia (Italy), Canada (Hungary), America (Finland), Russia (Canada), Finland (America), Sweden (Finland), Denmark (Italy), Turkey (Japan), Germany (Iceland), Italy (Hungary)
> 
> Who voted for (whose) skits:
> 
> America (Finland), Norway (Italy), Bulgaria (Hungary), Russia (Canada), Finland (America), Greece (Italy), England (America), Denmark (Canada), Hungary (Italy), Romania (America), Germany (Canada), France (Finland), Canada (America), Iceland (Finland), Prussia (America), Austria (Hungary), Italy (Canada), Japan (Canada), Turkey (Finland), Sweden (Finland)


End file.
